The life I really want is what I'm not living right now. Now, don't take me wrong. I'm not dissatisfied or complaining. I have a wife and kids I love and we're happy and content in God. But being content doesn't take away dreaming and being ambitious. You have the freedom to pursue them while in contentment, and if per chance they remain elusive, then it doesn't matter.
The seeming failure won't matter. You have all you need and want, anyway. You're not affected. You just take it calmly and thankfully. You took a shot at it, you didn't hit it. So what? If you did hit it, it wouldn’t be something that sets you apart from the rest. It wouldn’t make you superior. It's just that with it, you'd see better what's on the other side of the fence, and maybe visit there, too.
Again, I'm not saying I don't want the life I now have. I love it. It's God-given. But there's a life I still want to live and which I constantly ask God to grant me. As long as I live, I'm going to ask for it and pursue after it. In fact, I believe the remaining years on earth should be geared towards it. It's a worthy pursuit.
I want total abundance. And one that's unique--like hopia soup. I don't want the abundance the world is familiar with, an abundance measured off merely by how much money you have. And possessions. That's cheap. I wantsomething much more than that. I want money, possessions, plus more. The moneyand possessions are for getting the plusmore. And the plus more has nothing to do with what the world is familiar with. It's the life I really want.
Well, I may or may not be able to hit my target. At least if not in my lifetime then perhaps in my kids' lifetimes, or my next generations. I'd try to have the money and possessions (though they’re not what I’m excited about), because they bridge the gap between my present and the life I really want. If for some reason I don't get even the money and possessions, then so be it. It's no big deal. Trying to have what you never possessed is never a loss. At least I had a vision of the life I really want and tried to cross obstacles to reach it.
At least, I saw how God had in mind to assign me a unique goal. I saw how amazing the mountain he had prepared for me to climb is. I remember getting my son a good bike when he was small. I didn't care if he could ride it or not. What mattered was that he liked what he saw. In my son's case, he learned to ride his bike fast. I seem slow climbing up the mountain God has for me.
At times I reason that if the money and possessions are given me, my climb would be faster, just like how almost everybody else climbs theirs. Often I wonder why I'm made to climb with bare hands and feet while everyone else gets complete gears. Some are even gently carried by their connections during their ascent. Then a small voice told me how it's not how high the mountain or how fast I climb but my attitude in climbing that matters.
That comforted me, and very few get the insight. Still, that revelation does not guarantee that I will get the life I really want. But it assures that I see my mountain top well ahead before others do theirs. You get the reward but nobody would know you did, except you and God. To the rest, you appear to have failed.
Your hopia soup is intended for your taste buds alone. To others, it tastes awful and is thrown straight into the trash bin. To you, it's a 5-star menu. You see, your mountain is something different—unique to say the least. It's shaped to fit your exclusive perception.
The life I really want--it's happening now, but not yet. It's here, and yet it still isn't.