Topu and Fork and Other Similar Diches

I know you enjoy tofu and pork dishes as I do (impossible not to), and they're among my favorite snacks, by the way, especially when cooked with my deep-secret seasonings. My friend told me her secret is to splash some Worcestershire sauce while the tofu or pork is simmering. Some say it's the Chinese cooking wine that makes the difference. I say it's the manner of frying.

Photo by Yu Jinyang on Unsplash.

Anyway, some people stubbornly insist topu and fork (that's how they pronounce it) are best cooked with black beans and soy bean cake or fermented tofu (or what we locally call tahure). And the same goes for other similar diches. Diches? That's what they say, "diches." I'm familiar with ditches, the kind which companies that install pipes and tubes under the streets (like Maynilad) are fond of making come rainy season, but food diches? What on earth are they?

The best tofu and pork dish I have tasted all my life is my wife's version of it, coming somewhat close to the version of Max Fried Chicken's sizzling tofu. Sometimes, my wife's version is even creamier with generous long chili toppings (siling haba). The only problem I have with it is its tendency to make me eat more rice. In such case, I make sure I drink a cup of ginger and green tea plus more physical workouts. And water therapy the following morning. 

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Topu and fork (I didn't know some people cooked fork for dinner) are best mixed together with soy sauce and vinegar (tapos me siling labuyo). No, not topu and fork. I mean, tofu and PORK. Not even zombies would eat FORK. But that is how my friend, Boy Ingglesero or Boy I (boy-ay) puts it--topu and fork and other similar diches. Well, the hint to breaking his hieroglyphical speech may be found in how he spelled "packs" as "fax" when he once ordered some packs of our supplement juice. "Pa-order nga ng 5 fax," he said. We thought he wanted to use our fax machine or order 5 units of it, but then later we understood that he really meant "packs." He also once told me he went to a private school for his "pers dear" high school. I thought he was talking about his first sweetheart in high school, but turned out that what he meant was his "first year" high school. 

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I asked our secretary if Boy I was just making a prank when he talked like that, or perhaps saying bad words, but the secretary assured me he wasn't. Just a case of "diatribal" error, she said, and then laughed diabolically. How can anyone misspell tofu and pork? After sampling a rice soup side-dish made of fried-to-a-crisp tofu cubes and boiled pork, all splashed with a measure of squeezed lemon and soy sauce plus chopped siling haba, you can never misspell tofu and pork again! I mean, the mouthwatering memory will stick to your mind like how tofu sticks to the pan when fried with less oil.

It's tofu and pork or pork and tofu, got it? And everything is delicious with any recipe including, but not limited to, tofu and pork, and similar dishes as well. Not similar diches, but similar dishes. Like pork and tofu adobo dish. Have you tried that? In high school, after a bout of boxing, my huge Chinese classmate who lived in Binondo invited me for lunch and offered me Tofu and Pork Adobo which tasted like barbecue! It made us forget the punches we took.

Well, going back to this hieroglyphical Boy I friend of mine, some people can say one thing and mean another. Or, they may say one thing and other guys may mistake it to have other meanings, simply because of the way they misspell or mispronounce words. Communication takes accuracy to consummate. That's why God was specific and clear about what he said in the bible--and I can imagine how resonant his voice must have been and how perfect his diction.

Inaccurate communication cannot accomplish anything right, and it's like mixing topu and fork into similar diches that end up in the trash instead of the dinner table. You cannot be lousy with how you "pronounce" the Word of God in your life (or how well you live it out) and expect your words to be served in God's feast. So, better practice saying "tofu" and "pork" from now on. The same with other similar "dishes." If you cannot pronounce it, I wonder how you can cook it.

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