Can You Stop People from Giving You Problems?

The Globe and Mail

The first thing most people do when facing a problem is complain. And by complaining, they mean the other party should make amends to make things right for them. Or, the other party should change to avoid making the same mistakes again.

Like what's happening in the US now. President Trump decides to prioritize Americans and immigrants complain. It means they want Trump to change policy. I can understand what Trump is doing. I'd do it too if I were president of the Philippines---put Filipinos first. And I won't care what foreigners say. I'd prioritize Filipinos in the Philippines.

Is that too hard to understand?

You can remain yourself while still being easily likable to most people. Click here to get the story!

Let's look at what's happening here. Duterte seriously addresses the illegal drugs problem in the country and some people complain when dead bodies of drug dealers start littering in the streets. They want Duterte to stop going after drug and underworld characters for fear they themselves might be implicated.

Another example. Duterte changes foreign policy and befriends China but Filipinos who worship America complain and worry about having more difficulties getting US visas.

They all think the solution to problems lies in other people changing for them. They never think change has to start in them most especially.

If only we all think of changing ourselves first rather than complaining and demanding other people to adjust for us. There probably would be less problems to think about with more selfless people thinking of others.

If you seriously think about it, the root cause of problems really is the ego and the solution is change within. Not change in government or religion or policies. It's not even change in other people. It's real change deep within you---within each of us.

Don't tell people to change. YOU change.

Instead of complaining about Trump's American-first policy, why not ready yourself for a permanent homecoming. Anyway, it's more fun in the Philippines. If deportation doesn't happen, good for you. If it does happen, just think how God won't allow things to happen without good reason.

Instead of worrying about Duterte's aggressive anti-drug campaign or foreign policy, why not just keep away from drugs to make sure you don't get caught in the crossfire? And why not just start learning Mandarin and getting used to eating Maling instead of fearing Spam getting out of stock.

Fact is, you cannot stop people from giving you problems. And you can't go on through life begging them to change for you. At the first sign of a problem, people's first tendency is to control others. Now, imagine people doing that to each other.

 Believe me, the first sign of a real solution is when you stay out of that tendency.

Parents often have problems with their kids or teenagers and wish that they'd change. Well, they probably would, but that would be after a long time. Or, they may not. So, in the meantime that they're not changing, what would you do? Yell at them till you drop dead?

There was this dad who had problems with his chain-smoker teenager. He used to yell at him for it. Then it dawned on him. Instead of yelling at his kid each day, he changed strategy. He stopped yelling and started working out......and he also stopped seeing his other woman.

It turned out his kid was rebelling because of his other woman and because he was himself utterly unconcerned about his health. He didn't smoke or drink but he looked like a whale.

After he changed, his kid quit his vices.

Jesus said something to this effect:

First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

The change must first happen in you.

When a food crew in a restaurant, for instance, doesn't act right (say, he's arrogant and disrespectful) most people's reaction would be to complain. Well, you can change that. Why not simply stand up, leave quietly and change restaurant?